would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
