matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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