are you still at the devil's house?
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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