Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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