Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
