Pappa wants mamma naked
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm getting married
To pizza
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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