I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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