Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
