he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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