i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
