Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
third nipple confirmed
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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