Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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