Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
