Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
