So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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