Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
