I must be too annoying 4 u.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
