get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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