if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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