its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
