My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
