My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
