Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
