never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
