mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
