She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the liver wants what the liver wants
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
