somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it because I queefed?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
