Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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