I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
