The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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