Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
