i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
