so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize