508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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