ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
