i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
