I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
