I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
