Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
