She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
