Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
