i will never coherently bang her
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
