rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
