It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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