he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize