another moral hangover. fuck.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
