The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
