Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
