I just threw up on my dentist
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
