New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
