I wish I only lived at night.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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