I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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