Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if only i could text you this smell
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
