So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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