smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
