Don't make out with my wife yet
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
