Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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