I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
