dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
