After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
