The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
