At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize