I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
