Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
