i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
