He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
