I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
