I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ladies don't puke and tell
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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