PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
