he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
How does one acquire holy water?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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