no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
