I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
