I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize