My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
