I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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