party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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