Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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