Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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