So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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